Skinny girl trapped in an uncomfortable body

If someone says they're fat, I'm the first person to say "Absolutely not!" because I don't see fat people. I see beautifully and wonderfully created people! In fact, I've told several people that "To believe you're anything but beautiful is direct violation of the word of God" because people are made in God's image, and God made them to look a certain way for a certain reason. So, why can't I get that to translate into when I look in the mirror?

When I look in the mirror, I see a cute face that through the years, I've been able to make gorgeous via makeup. I see the imperfections others don't or they do and are polite. And I finally get to where I'm happy with the way my face and hair look, then I have to get dressed! Normally, not an awful thing, but lately, this has been a struggle for me! In highschool, I was 125 lbs, and I had to starve myself to get that way! But, I was also cheering, so I was always working out. In college, I gained 45 lbs freshman year because I wasn't working out as much as I did in high school, but I still had my tone and curves, thanks to cheerleading! Well, now, I'm 26, and I'm noticing changes in my body I don't like, and I can't seem to get rid of.

My main problem, my weight! I weigh as much as a guy, and that drives me nuts! I know that I'm tall, and because of that, I will always weigh more than the average woman because of that, but I see these girls on America's Next Top Model, or Project Runway, and they're my height, and they are at least 40lbs lighter than me. That is discouraging! I don't like my body when it weighs over 150. Lets just put it this way, I haven't liked my body for 5 years now. And it doesn't matter what I do to workout, it doesn't matter keeping a food journal, my body seems to refuse to be controlled by my wishes, and I will forever be above 160. Now, my friends have had amazing success with Weight Watchers, and I would love to do Weight Watchers, but with my current situation, we don't have enough money to do it. I was on LA Weight Loss, and that was working, although it was incredibly difficult to keep up with the diet. But several people mentioned how well I looked! But for the life of me, I can't remember what my diet was. I seriously just need to follow the cartoon.

Luckily, all I have to do is wait for 2 more weeks, and I can work out, and thus, feel better about my body. Our new place has a great gym, with really friendly people! And, if its too packed during the day, there is a gym just down the street that's $10/month! And I have friends that want to work out, which is really important, and maybe with their help, this skinny girl can break free from the cage she's in.


So, I have the following goals, and hopefully I can meet them within the next year.
1. Tone up.
2. Be a cardio fool.
3. Lose 30lbs.
4. Be comfortable in my body.