Troy Davis' execution...I finally have an opinion.

Ever since a sorority sister brought the Troy Davis case to my attention, I've been kind of obsessed with it because I could never let an innocent man be put to death, which is what the world, and even he, said. I even signed two online petitions to reexamine his case. But the more I looked into the case, the more I agree with the verdict.

"We are all Troy Davis." No, I am not Troy Davis. First of all, I would never pistol whip a homeless man for beer, and second of all, I don't own a gun. Troy Davis had 20 years after the incident to prove his innocence. If anyone failed, it was his lawyer because he couldn't prove differently, and I'm sure he tried his hardest; what person wouldn't if they were fighting for someone's life? If the case specifics were enough to convict Davis of murder in 1989, how could they have changed so much over the past 20 years?

 There was a quote by one of the witnesses who said "If I knew then what I know now, Troy wouldn't have been on death row." And what that says to me is #1, you didn't tell the whole truth, like you swore you would during the trial, or #2, you're upset that a man is going to be put to death based upon your testimony, and you're trying any way possible to get out of the blame. But guess what? You're not to blame! All you had to do was get on that stand and tell the truth of what you witnessed, and if you did, then it is not your fault. What did Davis in is the shell casings from the murder matched the ones from Davis' gun from a previous shooting. And if the case is #1, you ought to serve jail time for perjury, and yes, you should feel like you were to blame. No matter who is bullying you, or what the case may be, you always have the choice to tell the truth.

There was another thing about the case that I read that said that the man that was with Davis that night said he shot the officer, and not Davis. Well, if he truly meant that and was remorseful, he would have told the authorities what he knows. And if that man wasn't remorseful, and was saying that to prove what a bad@$$ he is, the people should have went to the authorities immediately, instead of going to the media. Yet again, it looks like another plea to clear someone's conscience.

Davis upheld his innocence, even until his lethal injection and death. That, to me, is the most creepy thing about this case.  If he was truly innocent, then he is in a better place, and this whole matter is put to rest. He had a very peaceful execution. Davis didn't have to die a cruel and unusual death, like hanging or electrocution. He simply went to sleep on a gurney. The officer that was shot didn't get die in his sleep and wasn't offered his favorite meal as his last, even though Davis refused his last meal. No, the officer simply was doing his job, even when he was off duty, and coming to the aid of a man who needed help.

I fully support the death penalty. Reason being, if you let murderers live, you're not punishing them for their crime and you're not making them an example of why you can't murder people. Life in prison is not only expensive for us tax payers, but its not a punishment! "You get to live even though you brutally murdered your victim."- does that sound fair and just?!

 No one will ever know the truth behind this case, but apparently the judges that reexamined his case think the verdict was correct. As an outsider, I have to believe the justice system was correct with their verdict. And as sad as it is for a human life to end, murderer or not, sometimes it has to be done. We constantly expect the justice system, filled with imperfect, unjust people, to be perfect. I have seen and personally experienced the justice system fail, which sucks, its heartbreaking, and revolting, but I've seen it succeed too, and more often than not, it succeeds. No, I'm not saying that Davis' death was a success, but I'm not saying it wasn't warranted. All I'm saying is that justice was served to a family who had been waiting for 20 years for justice to give them peace.



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Skinny girl trapped in an uncomfortable body

If someone says they're fat, I'm the first person to say "Absolutely not!" because I don't see fat people. I see beautifully and wonderfully created people! In fact, I've told several people that "To believe you're anything but beautiful is direct violation of the word of God" because people are made in God's image, and God made them to look a certain way for a certain reason. So, why can't I get that to translate into when I look in the mirror?

When I look in the mirror, I see a cute face that through the years, I've been able to make gorgeous via makeup. I see the imperfections others don't or they do and are polite. And I finally get to where I'm happy with the way my face and hair look, then I have to get dressed! Normally, not an awful thing, but lately, this has been a struggle for me! In highschool, I was 125 lbs, and I had to starve myself to get that way! But, I was also cheering, so I was always working out. In college, I gained 45 lbs freshman year because I wasn't working out as much as I did in high school, but I still had my tone and curves, thanks to cheerleading! Well, now, I'm 26, and I'm noticing changes in my body I don't like, and I can't seem to get rid of.

My main problem, my weight! I weigh as much as a guy, and that drives me nuts! I know that I'm tall, and because of that, I will always weigh more than the average woman because of that, but I see these girls on America's Next Top Model, or Project Runway, and they're my height, and they are at least 40lbs lighter than me. That is discouraging! I don't like my body when it weighs over 150. Lets just put it this way, I haven't liked my body for 5 years now. And it doesn't matter what I do to workout, it doesn't matter keeping a food journal, my body seems to refuse to be controlled by my wishes, and I will forever be above 160. Now, my friends have had amazing success with Weight Watchers, and I would love to do Weight Watchers, but with my current situation, we don't have enough money to do it. I was on LA Weight Loss, and that was working, although it was incredibly difficult to keep up with the diet. But several people mentioned how well I looked! But for the life of me, I can't remember what my diet was. I seriously just need to follow the cartoon.

Luckily, all I have to do is wait for 2 more weeks, and I can work out, and thus, feel better about my body. Our new place has a great gym, with really friendly people! And, if its too packed during the day, there is a gym just down the street that's $10/month! And I have friends that want to work out, which is really important, and maybe with their help, this skinny girl can break free from the cage she's in.


So, I have the following goals, and hopefully I can meet them within the next year.
1. Tone up.
2. Be a cardio fool.
3. Lose 30lbs.
4. Be comfortable in my body.

So, what is your body trying to tell you?

For those of you, like me, who have to look great in a bathing suit year around and are dieting, or you're just craving food (as all of us do from time to time) do you ever wonder why your body is craving certain foods? Totally stumbled upon this today! Check it out! (via http://www.naturopathyworks.com/pages/cravings.php)

If you crave this...	What you really need is...	And here are healthy foods that have it:
Chocolate	Magnesium	Raw nuts and seeds, legumes, fruits
Sweets	Chromium	Broccoli, grapes, cheese, dried beans, calves liver, chicken
	Carbon	Fresh fruits
	Phosphorus	Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes, grains
	Sulfur	Cranberries, horseradish, cruciferous vegetables, kale, cabbage
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
Bread, toast	Nitrogen	High protein foods: fish, meat, nuts, beans
Oily snacks, fatty foods	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Coffee or tea	Phosphorous	Chicken, beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes
	Sulfur	Egg yolks, red peppers, muscle protein, garlic, onion, cruciferous vegetables
	NaCl (salt)	Sea salt, apple cider vinegar (on salad)
	Iron	Meat, fish and poultry, seaweed, greens, black cherries
Alcohol, recreational drugs	Protein	Meat, poultry, seafood, dairy, nuts
	Avenin	Granola, oatmeal
	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
	Glutamine	Supplement glutamine powder for withdrawal, raw cabbage juice
	Potassium	Sun-dried black olives, potato peel broth, seaweed, bitter greens
Chewing ice	Iron	Meat, fish, poultry, seaweed, greens, black cherries
Burned food	Carbon	Fresh fruits
Soda and other carbonated drinks	Calcium	Mustard and turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Salty foods	Chloride	Raw goat milk, fish, unrefined sea salt
Acid foods	Magnesium	Raw nuts and seeds, legumes, fruits
Preference for liquids rather than solids	Water	Flavor water with lemon or lime. You need 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Preference for solids rather than liquids	Water	You have been so dehydrated for so long that you have lost your thirst. Flavor water with lemon or lime. You need 8 to 10 glasses per day.
Cool drinks	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
Pre-menstrual cravings	Zinc	Red meats (especially organ meats), seafood, leafy vegetables, root vegetables
General overeating	Silicon	Nuts, seeds; avoid refined starches
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements or orange, green, red fruits and vegetables
Lack of appetite	Vitamin B1	Nuts, seeds, beans, liver and other organ meats
	Vitamin B3	Tuna, halibut, beef, chicken, turkey, pork, seeds and legumes
	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
	Chloride	Raw goat milk, unrefined sea salt
Tobacco	Silicon	Nuts, seeds; avoid refined starches
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements or orange, green and red fruits and vegetables

1. Lectures, Cheryl M. Deroin, NMD, Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine, Spring 2003 (healthy food recommendations)
2. Benard Jenson, PhD, The Chemistry of Man B. Jensen Publisher, 1983 (deficiencies linked to specific cravings and some food recommendations)

"...and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Gosh, Diary! The last time I wrote was a while ago! I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I love that I can boldly claim anything from the bible as truth. Even when I doubt, and I do, God's word always prevails, no matter what I do, where I go, what I say, God's word is always truthful. And with all these communication problems with my hubby have risen, he has done his best to love me like Christ loves the church, and sometimes, more often than not, I walk all over that. Through this bought of depression that I've been in, I've become extremely selfish in our relationship, and I'm not thinking about where he was coming from. Sometimes, I can create drama in my head between us when he sees that nothing is wrong! I guess that's why God made man the head of the household and leaders in our world; men's brains are calmer biologically than women's brains. (Please don't get mad at that. Its been scientifically proven that men don't have as good of connection between the right and left hemispheres of the brain as women do, and that's why we can multitask better than men, but that's why men have calmer brains then women.) I wrestled with God, with my faith, and although I feel weak from the fight, God gave me the desire of my heart, which was to communicate better with Andy. God knew what he was doing when he allowed us to get a smaller apartment, because now we have to communicate not only about paint, but what we're getting rid of, and we're both having to see our sacrifices for each other. For the past couple of days, we have had to be in close proximity, painting our living room in our new place, and when I do something I don't like to do, I tend to talk while I do it, which has allowed him to see that I'm crazy as a loon, but at least now he knows where I'm coming from, and we're starting to repair the hole that I've created.

During the engagement process, people like to give you advice. Let me tell you about some of the advice that DOESN'T work.
#1) Pick your battles. Um, no. If you pick your battles, he doesn't know why you're so upset with him, and you're pushing all those feelings away and not being truthful. Plus, you're not communicating, which is so important in a marriage. However, don't yell at him about stuff you haven't warned him about. Ex: Normally when my hubby makes coffee, he leaves rings on our white counter tops, to which I have to scrub out with bleach, breaking my fingernails, and making me mad. I blew up at him before warning him, to which he responded "Don't you know I'm leaving them there for a reason?".... However, when I was calmer, I explained to him how hard it is to scrub the counter tops, and that I would appreciate it if he would be more mindful of his surroundings and BAM! I haven't had to scrub my counter tops in a week!
#2) Don't say everything you're thinking. While there is some truth to that, you're still not communicating, and its still bad. Talk to him about the stuff you're thinking when you're not upset. Guys aren't mind readers, and whatever you're thinking about will gnaw at you until you say something.

However, while I've been focusing on my communication with my hubby, my communication with God has gone down hill. And most of the people I talked to about our situation asked me "How's your walk with God?" I've got to admit, its not the best, which is probably why all this drama is rearing its ugly head. My life is tumultuous when God isn't first. And going back to the verse at the beginning of the entry, my desire has changed from communication with my hubby to communication with God. And I know that once my walk with God is at its best, my marriage will be at its best.

What a scary conversation!

(From Sex And The City, Season 2, Episode 16, "Was it good for you?") Samantha: "Who you are in bed is who you are in life! I've never met a man who was good in bed that wasn't good in life....Soon, everyone will be pansexual. It won't matter if you're gay or straight." Carrie:"Just whether or not you're good in bed." Samantha: "Exactly!"

...DO YOU KNOW HOW FREAKING SCARY THAT CONVERSATION IS?! Let's break it down, shall we?

"Who you are in bed is who you are in life." ... I don't know about this statement. Why must our mentality revolve around sex?! Yes, humans are sexual creatures, but why must we be labeled by someone's opinion of us sexually? Who we are in bed is not who we are in life! How does 30 minutes in the sack compete with the 16-18.5 hours one is up during the day? Yes, if you're good in bed, you have unbelievable confidence, but to me, that's all sex is. Sex is all about confidence in your ability to make your partner weak in the knees, and that's not all about the bedroom! You can make your partner weak in the knees by the way you dress, the shoes that show off your calves, how well you keep your body fit, your body language, your intelligence so that you can play the flirtatious mind games, etc. And isn't it amazing if we say someone isn't good in bed, that their confidence level plummets, along with their self esteem and dignity? Maybe instead of focusing on the sexual desires, as the media would have us do, we should focus on the person, and the beauty that lies within. Sorry, Samantha, that's strike one.

"I've never met a man that was good in bed and not good in life." ... I'm sure they're out there. Strike two, Samantha.

"Soon, everyone will be pansexual. It won't matter if you're gay or straight." ... WHAT?! Its hard enough to wrap my head around transexuality, much less pansexuality?! "Pan" means "all", "sexuality" means "the state of being sexual", so being pansexual means you have sex with everything? I don't get it! First of all, no offense to anyone who is, but I don't want to be pansexual. I'm created to be attracted to men, not women, not animals, and not people who think they were born without gender (which I think is a laughable concept. You may not have been raised with society's concept of what gender is, but if you have a woohoo, you're male, which is a gender, and if you have a wahoo, you're female, which is also a gender. Everything has a gender. Even asexuality is a gender! Everything in nature needs to reproduce, so God provided all living creatures with 3 genders, male, female, and asexual [those who can reproduce without aid]. If you're human, you are not without gender. Period.) Even my computer doesn't understand pansexuality! As I type it, the computer thinks I'm spelling it wrong. When did sex get so complicated, and how can I unlearn the complicated things I know?!  Strike three, Samantha! You're out!

Remember why you married him

As I have been struggling with newlywed life, a lot of my friends have been giving me advice, and while they were all very pertinent to the situation at hand, my cousin Caty gave me great advice. "Above everything else, remember why you married him." Why did I marry him? His humor! Andy's humor can get me out of any depression, any angry situation. He says stuff so asinine sometimes it just makes me laugh! Well, upon his arriving home from work, I swore I was going to be mad at him until he apologized. We made it thought dinner, and into Target to do some grocery shopping, and he starts getting me to laugh, and all my anger towards him melts away. We started acting goofy, and pretty soon, we're having a really deep conversation in the middle of Target's grocery! And for the first time today, I smiled, and it was because of him.

Whoever said "laughter is the best medicine" wasn't kidding. Laughter causes hurts to begin to heal, the communication lines to open, and grudges to be let go.  And Andy knows as long as he can make me laugh, things are good between us.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me a man who you knew I needed, and thank you for his humor!
Thank you, friends, for wanting to make sure I'm okay, and offering me your ear when I need it.
 And thank you, Caty, for your sound advice: "Above all else, remember why you married him"